A short somewhat random parody.
Hipster Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Editor’s note: Some readers might ask, “why the original U. K. title, the Philosopher’s Stone and not the American Sorcerer’s Stone?” [Hipster editor shakes his head and walks away.]
“Harry,” Hagrid said, “you’re a wizard.”
“Actually I prefer Thaumaturge.”
In Ollivander’s shop the pile of wands was growing and growing. Ollivander’s expression grew curious. None of the wands seemed to fit Hipster Potter’s personal style. He would snap his wrist to each one, but all he got were the occasional sparks.
“An interesting case,” Ollivander muttered. “Perhaps…yes, perhaps.”
He came back with a wand unlike any other. It was sleek, smooth, not a bump or imperfection in the wood finish.”
“what is it?” Hipster Potter whispered.
“It’s the latest thing,” Ollivander told him. “the iWand.”
Hipster Potter knew instantly he had found his wand.
Hipster Potter and the Obscure Chamber only He Knows About.
Hipster Potter and the Prisoner of an unfair legal system that failed to do due diligence in investigating Peter Pettigrew’s death.
Hipster Potter and the artisanal hand crafted goblet that, of course, doesn’t contain anything a goblet normally would.
Hipster Potter and the Non-mainstream Order of the Benu Bird (which the later Phoenix legends were based on).
Hipster Potter and the Half-Blood (not that we buy the racist concept of blood anyway.)